Thursday, November 24, 2016

Housecleaner Norfolk Va Pet Friendly Green Cleaner December 2016 Schedule

I should not even get people riled up...because MamaB has nothing open in December 2016 for new cleaning clients in Norfolk, Virginia.

*double checks*
Nope. Nothing. For the 9th year running, I have the absolute best clients that ensure every single open spot in December is booked.
A girl cannot ask for better.

No-I don't know anyone that currently cleans houses. I don't know if XYZ is reputable.
I can tell you this-if a cleaning company is offering a rock bottom deal in December for holiday cleaning-RUN. Why would anyone need to do that? There is not a shortage of clients seeking house cleaning services in Norfolk, Virginia.
#freeadvice

Thank you for a wonderful 2016.
Feb/Mar 2017 is when I expect to have openings for busy professionals (looking at you EVMS residents) seeking an independent, pet friendly, green cleaner.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Featured Expert Housecleaner

So...I got this email today.
'Hi Rebecca,

Just a heads up, we've mentioned you as one of the best house cleaners in Virginia Beach! 

As you’ll see on the award page below, we highlighted the top 16 experts out of hundreds of house cleaners that we reviewed:

www.fuckifimmalinktoyou.nope

We’re creating lists of the best local professionals in each US city to give our readers the confidence they need to make the right choice. To do so, we analyzed and scored each business across 25 criteria. 
 
Hope you like the feature and looking forward to getting your feedback.

Best,

He Who Tried It With Me
p.s. I respect your time. If you prefer that I no longer follow up with you, please let me know.'

Me: I'm not based in Virginia Beach nor do I service Virginia Beach. I have no plans of doing so in the near or distant future. 

He Who Tried It With Me: Sorry about the mix up Rebecca, where do you primarily service?

Wait-so lemmmie get this straight. You listed me as "best of" "top 16". You analyzed and scored across 25 criteria but can't remember that the front page of my website clearly states 5 different times where I service?
Yeah-take that ish up the road. I don't want no parts of that.

Friday, August 26, 2016

Pet Friendly Cleaning Lady Norfolk, Virginia September Housecleaning Schedule 2016

Who am I kidding?
I have no availability for new cleaning clients in Norfolk, Virginia during the month of September 2016.

My waitlist's waitlist has a waitlist. It's like that.
Sadly, I do not have any cleaning referral. Reliable housecleaners are hard to find.
People who get into this business tend to think well cleaning houses is not rocket science...nope it isn't. It's chemistry. And manual labor. And self-motivation. And a lot of dealing with people and their quirks. #reasonsistaybooked

Here's a random photo of my brown dog doing yoga. I know-not remotely helpful to your lack of having a maid come come clean your house situation. It's the best I can do to soften the NOPE.
A photo posted by bek (@thatgreenmaid) on



Pet friendly green cleaning lady in Norfolk, Va-thatgreenmaid.com




Monday, August 1, 2016

Cheap House Cleaners Buyer Beware

I make no secret that I have 0 patience for cheap ass cut rate house cleaners.
I just looked at a few ads on the CL and... It all smells like dollar store pine cleaner and dirty vacuums.
Imma say this with 1000000000% certainty. If someone is cleaning your house for next to nothing-they are not paying a dime in taxes on that income.
Some people shrug and say whatever-I'm getting a deal. It's not whatever. If your cut rate cleaner isn't paying her taxes, isn't legally cleared to work or is committing benefit fraud-that shit falls on you. In Hampton Roads, you can't throw a rock without hitting someone that has a security clearance of some kind courtesy of DoD.
Think some fail involving tax evasion or benefit fraud isn't going to affect your clearance? Trust, you gonna fucked on that deal.
If that doesn't move you, Imma just copy and paste some actual ads (in bold):

MOVE OUT/MOVE IN UNDER $50
Are you fucking for real with this? A 1 bedroom apt make ready cleaning is like 4 hours every day that ends with day. Self cleaning oven is 3 hours...oh wait...
*interior of your refrigerator and stove for an extra charge.
Gurl bye. That is standard move in/out service. Extra charge. Get the entire hell out.

Know what I do for $50? A one bedroom/one occupant/no pets weekly cleaning service. I don't know any reputable cleaner that is gonna get out of bed for a $50 move out clean. 

I'm available 24/7. My rates are negotiable.
RUN. I know some cleaners (myself included) that do 2nd and 3rd shift cleaning but 24/7. Nuhuh. And will let you decide their worth? It's all red flags. Don't listen to me.

If Your not satisfied with my services your gaurenteed free service ..
I'm not satisfied with this sentence. It might need to go to rehab.

CLEANING SPECIAL!!! Basic one-time cleaning for $50 if you have a 2 bedroom! NO ESTIMATE, THIS IS THE PRICE!  CALL (5fiven0pe who still does that)  First come first serve! Only but so many slots, so get yours today!

(Redacted) are my district areas. If you need cleaning done in (also redacted)? There will be a $10 traveling charge. 

Also, if you can't supply your own vacuum, mop, broom, and dustpan, that will be an extra $5. I will provide everything else!
Girl...


There is a world of difference between me using your vacuum/mop/broom/dustpan because either you prefer/convenience/pets and charging me you extra for using something I should already supply.

A dollar says they all use generic spray duster on your good wood furniture.





Sunday, July 31, 2016

Certified Green House Cleaner

Green Seal Certified 'eh? Sounds impressive but wtf does it mean???
It means if I pay someone a fee they will certify my services are indeed green.
Hmm
Interesting.

These someones are not a 'entity' that you or I recognize-you know like the EPA or Good Housekeeping...so um...yeah I should pay you because why exactly?

"Institute of the Not Functioning Website (not their real name) certification works on both the perception of value for your company with your customers, and we strongly encourage the reality that you implement a Green practice with your Green products. Now, perception and reality agree, and your company needs not worry that you only pretend to be a Green janitorial service. To have a true certification, a reliable and third party program needs to set the standard of achievement and validate the accomplishment of those standards. "

Wait what?
I pay you and you give me the certification but I don't HAVE to be green?
I can pretend?
Reliable? I have no idea who you are and neither do my clients.
Yeah-no. Not this girlie.

This other program I have to pay based on the amount of employees I have
certification starts at $190
The Green Bullshit Certification does not sell or endorse products, charge for literature, offer or sell training courses.
Well that's good to know-then what am I paying for???

"Once achieving the Bullshit Green Certification, (real company named redacted) will e-mail the seals for your marketing effort. We suggest you display the seal(s) on your stationery, business cards, bid proposals and web site as anyone who sees it will be impressed. In a few days you will receive a package with your certificate and other marketing materials and the press release will be sent. For maximum image and marketing effort, we suggest you e-mail a copy of our press release to all your clients and prospects."

For real? I don't think so.
I understand people are easily impressed by seals and official looking things.
I'd rather WOW you with my work...but what do I know?
Spam my clients and prospects-because that always gets the business...NOT

I think I'm going to pass on the green house cleaner bullshit certification.
You need proof I'm a green cleaner?
Look in my cleaning bucket.


Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Pet Friendly Green Cleaning Lady Schedule July 2016 Norfolk Virginia

I have an extremely limited schedule for green in Norfolk Virginia this summer.
I am very lucky to have a full schedule of regular housekeeping clients.

*please no 3+ story houses or spaces over 2500 sq ft-I don't have that kind of opening right now*

I cater to busy urban professionals and those who proudly (or discreetly) define themselves as ‘alternative lifestyle’ seeking green/eco-friendly house cleaning services.
No matter what path you walk in life-I want you to come home to amazingly fabulous clean home.
Resident Dr.'s #matchday2016 #evms #pnmc strongly encouraged to inquire.

About Me:
Private Independent Maid Service
Hampton Roads Local
Green Eco-Friendly Cleaner
20+ Years Experience
Pet Friendly
All Lifestyles Welcome
Fabulous Verifiable References

For more information about me and my green residential house cleaning, please visit my website: thatgreenmaid.com

Monday, June 27, 2016

Deep Cleaning Carpet Freshener Powder DIY

Step One-DON'T.
Listen-if your carpet smells so bad you're using carpet powder, said rug needs a professional cleaning.*

Next to mini blinds-carpet powder is the bane of my existence.
One it usually smells like fake ass chemicals and cheap.
Two-it clogs the hell out of a HEPA filter on a vacuum.
Lately I'm seeing a lot of DIY carpet powder recipes pop up on Pinterest
Just because it's natural and DIY doesn't make it better for your carpet or your vacuum...especially your vacuum.
When carpet powder gets all nice and coated in your filters or bag, it cuts off the airflow, which makes the motor run hotter. I don't care if you have a Dyson or an Oreck or (insert high end name or even a low end name here) vacuum-powder coating the important pieces and parts is not happy times for your vacuum.
Continued use of carpet powders causes a build up of said powder in the carpet--which breaks down the carpet fibers and causes your carpet to hold dirt.
Since your carpet is now filthy, you're probably going to either DIY carpet clean or call a professional carpet cleaner.
Chances are the next day, you'll be either: A-re-doing the carpet B-calling to complain about the residue left from what you consider a crap cleaning.

*That residue? That's your embedded carpet powder wicking to the surface or your carpet. It isn't the fault of the carpet cleaner you hired/rented.

Protip: if you go the professional carpet cleaning route, be real upfront with what you've been putting on your carpets.

Bottom line carpet powder=no no bad. Don't. Just don't.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Quality Cleaning Over Quantity

They say cheap things attract many buyers-which is the number one reason my cleaning services are not cheap.
I'm all about a good deal but my bargain basement mentality is limited to bargain basement type places.
I don't do discounts or groupon or run specials. I don't want that business---because 9 times out of 10 it isn't business.
It's one person that isn't coming back or referring me to others. It is me working for less than I'm worth for someone who flat out doesn't care and won't hesitate to complain over something petty like not wiping a light switch.*dead serious*
Does that make me uppity?


This maid is not going to offer up some $99 special to stand in a house in a sketchass neighborhood and listen to a litany of random complaints about nothing and everything about some other maid service from a person trying to get me to stay 10 hours and play Cinderella. No thanks. Been there and done that. It sucked in my 20s. I'm sure it still sucks in my 40s. /runonsetence

I am blessed with a full client load of utterly fabulous and amazing people. Wait-AMAZING people. No...hold on...

UTTERLY FABULOUS AMAZING PEOPLE

I'm only interested in cleaning for equally utterly fabulous amazing people seeking pet friendly green housecleaning in Norfolk, Va. #seewhatididthere


If you want the cheapest cleaning service out there-you can find it all day long in the 757. There is no shortage of here today gone tomorrow housecleaners.
I'm sure you can talk them straight down to $75 to do a move out clean your entire house.
I bet they can even come clean your home tomorrow.

If you want someone that offers up a quality house cleaning-you might have to search a little bit and hope they have an opening in the near-ish future for you.

'The quality is remembered long after the price is forgotten.' ~Sir Henry Royce

Friday, June 24, 2016

How To Get Urine Out of Flooring

Urine, pee, potty, tinkle-whatever you call it-once it has set into your floor removal becomes a pain in the ass.
Once urine soaks through and saturates the subfloor, getting the smell out usually requires replacing the subfloor. You can soak it in whatever concoction you want--once pee gets that far in, there is no getting it out.
Before bad aim or a potty accident (human or furbaby) makes your house reek of piss...

Carpet Blot up as much urine as possible. The more urine you can get out before it dries the easier it will be to remove the odor. Rinse with clean warm (not hot) water and blot dry. Sprinkle baking soda over affected area and let dry. Meanwhile...go buy an enzyme cleaner specifically for urine. Vacuum dried baking soda from carpet. Spray pee affected area with enzyme cleaner as directed. You may have to pull up the carpet and treat the carpet padding as well. Without the enzyme cleaner-it is always going to smell of pee-pee. Always.


Floors and Around the Toliet You can bleach or use toliet bowl cleaner on it every day and still not get that lingering potty smell out.  See also: Bleach is not a cleaning product
Enzyme cleaner. For Urine. Accept no substitutes. Saturate well-let dry. Lather rinse repeat as needed for urine on regular floors and around the toilet. Always always always test any new cleaning product/enzyme treatment in an inconspicuous spot to ensure it isn't going to cause damage to your floors/carpet/upholstery.

When all else fails-call a professional. Better to spend a few hundred to get rid of a urine odor issue than a few thousand replacing flooring.




Thursday, June 23, 2016

Bleach Is Not A Cleaning Product

I read this on a cleaning tips website "Bleach is a very effective green cleaning solution." sigh
Bleach is NOT a cleaning solution. Lather Rinse Repeat-not a cleaning solution.

It is a disinfectant-something one does to an already clean surface to prevent the spread of bacteria. For years, bleach has helped purify water – particularly during times of disaster.
When used properly bleach also helps kill germs and various bacteria that make people ill.
Bleach is a great mildew and stain remover when used according to directions.
Bleach also makes it impossible to use other cleaners since mixing bleach with other chemicals like ammonia can cause toxic gases.
Even using bleach along side other cleaning products can cause problems-which is why many cleaning products carry a warning stating do not mix with other cleaning products or products containing bleach.
Bleach is the world's most powerful and effective DISINFECTANT but it is not and never will be a stand alone cleaning solution.

I won't lie-I love bleach. LOVE. The fumes from bleach---not so much---which is why I stopped using bleach and went green in the first place.
For mildew--it is still my go to. Past that...not so much.
Saying 'Bleach is a very effective green cleaning solution' is not only misleading but does bleach a disservice.
Bleach is what it is-a disinfectant, stain removal and laundry whitener. Not a cleaning product... /rant

Monday, May 23, 2016

Eco-Friendly Housecleaning Norfolk, Virginia June 2016


I  have ONE count it ONE opening on TUESDAYS for bi-weekly or weekly house cleaning in NORFOLK VIRGINIA.
I cater to busy urban professionals, interesting eclectics and those who proudly (or discreetly) define themselves as ‘alternative lifestyle’ seeking green cleaning services of houses, apartments or condos in Norfolk, Virginia.
My clientele want the best value for their dollar, not the best bargain in town.
It’s your home. You paid a lot of money for it and probably for the things inside of it.
When you hire a maid, you get what you pay for.

About Me:
Private Independent Maid Service
Hampton Roads Local
Eco-Friendly Green Cleaner
20+ Years Residential Cleaning Experience
Ridiculously Pet Friendly
Resident Dr Friendly
Fabulous Verifiable References

I don't hire or contract other cleaners-ever. You get me, me annnnnnnnnd me. Every time.

 My Website http://www.thatgreenmaid.com

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Hi I'm From Yelp Calling About Your Home Cleaning Norfolk Listing

*post from original blog spring 2015-I'd go look to see if the # has changed but some girl from Yelp is already up my ass with the calls and emails*

I get at least  3 of these calls a month from people supposedly from Yelp wanting to 'help' me with my listing.
Normally I say upfront  Listen I'm booked with a 3 month wait list so. . . and they thank me for my time and hang up.
Except tonight. Maybe it's Mercury in Retrograde or maybe dude was super dumb because he was ready to go toe to toe with me on why I NEED to pay them to something something boost my Yelp listing.
Dude guy trying to tell me I'm on page 15. Bitch no. I'm #24. Not page 24. Number 24.
Then he wants to read me the first 5 people in the Home Cleaning category for Norfolk on Yelp. Since he read them to me I know he searched Housecleaning.
#1-eco-friendly pet friendly team house cleaning. innovative cleaning options. get your deal on.
#2-pressure washing service. not even the right category.
#3-franchise home cleaning service with a bad review.
#4-carpet cleaning service. again wrong category.
#5-already out of business. domain is available. maybe i should buy it. moving on
#6-aaand another carpet cleaning service.
#7-is a house cleaning/remodel/we buy houses/ yeah um ok. i call miscategorized.
#8-yet another carpet cleaner
#9-oh look an actual local same cleaner every time home cleaning service in Norfolk.
#10-senior concierge and errand service.
So basically those 4200 people a month  searching for cleaning services like mine (his words) called #1, maaaaaaybe called #9 or more likely said FUCK THIS after page 1 and typed some specific search terms into yelp.
IF they typed in Green Housecleaning-I'm #15.
IF they are my target clientele, they typed in (keywords I'm not sharing here) where I'm what number? NUMBER ONE.  
Dude from Yelp wasn't trying to hear was me saying to him point blank "the most important thing in business is KNOWING who your target clients are and going after them."
Niche SEO Bitches. I knows it. I uses it.
Your 4200 searches ain't shit to start with-but trust my maybe 10 targeted specific searches a month are people looking for me, myself and I.
This is why I stay booked with great long term cleaning clients.
This is also why I won't pay dude from Yelp a dime to help me do fuck all in the general category of Home Cleaning.
Those are not my clients.

Top Search Term: Norfolk Nude House Cleaners

What keywords do people type into search engines to find your site?
My top search keyword is 'norfolk nude house cleaners'
You now what? You dirty ass dudes are dirty.
Thankfully some of you have the good sense to realize you really want a clean house more than pseudo cleaners/hookers.
I love you dirty sons of bitches. So much.
Thanks for choosing a real cleaning lady over a nude 'house cleaner'.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

An Open Letter to Chrissie the Crackhead Cleaner

Dearest Chrissie*
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you-for being utterly full of fail and unreliable.
Thank you for doing less than a fuck all job of pretending to clean.
Thank you for your excuses and stories and lack of communication.
Because of you, I stay booked with a wait list.
You keep being your half ass self girl.
I love fixing your fail. It's what I do best.
~Me

*not her real name-but it does start with a C

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Degrease All The Things

I bathe in coconut oil. For real.
I make this bath scrub with 2 parts brown sugar/1 part coconut oil/1 part Dr Bronner's (Almond).
This mix is great for my skin but my acrylic bathtub is a slip and slide of death.
It MUST be de-greased after I use it. On the plus side, the tub is a great testing ground for using various de-greasers.

409-It smells terrible. Fake lemon scent of death.
It does a meh job. Running plain hot water does the same job as this shit.
I breathed some in one day-WTF?!? Listen I huff chemicals on the real and that shit is vile.
It won't even get you high. Leave it on shelf.

Simple Green-once upon a time it was my go to.
They changed up something and it has an odd chemical-ish smell and doesn't clean worth a shit.
Nope nope nope is the nicest thing I can say about this product.

CitraSolv-I make no secret that I love me some CitraSolv.
HOWEVER...it will strip the finish right off some stuff it not diluted properly (this is important) and HOLY ORANGE SCENT.
I love the smell. The hubs-does not.
I would put this in my #1 spot if it scent didn't bother the Mr so much.

'Homemade' degreaser- 1 tsp original blue dawn 1/4c vinegar and water in a spray bottle.
Some people add lemon or orange oil to the mix. It's not required and I don't recommend getting all fancy with Essential Oils if you have pets or allergies and/or don't know wtf you're doing with EOs.
As a de-greaser it does a pretty ok job and is the most cost effective of the bunch.
It also does well as a general cleaner. Highly recommend.

For all of these I sprayed the product into my tub, let it sit 5 minutes and rinsed with hot straight out the tap City of Norfolk water.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Pet Friendly Housecleaner in Norfolk Va July 2016 Schedule

How is it mid-May already?!?
I have a spot or two open for monthly or bi-weekly clients starting July 2014 in Norfolk, Va.
Weekly house cleaning-as much as I would love to take your money every single week, I have nothing open at the moment.

Don't try to con me with your 3000+ sq ft McMansion of fuckery. NO. DO NOT WANT.
Taking on your 4 bedroom house is not going to make either of us happy. Trust me on this.

Ridiculously pet friendly, green cleaning lady.
Unless you have pet spiders or scorpions or things that are venomous -then I'm scared-but I'll still come clean your house!
I come with excellent completely verifiable references from real cleaning clients-that will also tell you about my pet friendliness.
I don’t use tobacco, show up drunk/hungover, have childcare issues or got a ride from some weird dude sitting outside in his car waiting/blowing up my phone. Nooooooooope. Because fuck that.

Hot messes with intact checkbooks always welcome. Please no hoarders, pearl clutchers or un-medicated crazies-we have to have limits you know.
To schedule your cleaning, please email me bek@thatgreenmaid.com

Be sure to include the important info about your place-bedrooms, bathrooms, pets, counter/appliance/flooring types, level of fail going on-an address or at least a neighborhood is helpful to figure out where I can fit you in to my schedule.
For your convenience and/or peace of mind, I gladly book initial cleanings on Saturdays and Sundays..

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Doctor Residency Norfolk Virginia MatchDay2016

#MATCH2016
If you're a Dr starting a residency in Norfolk or Portsmouth Virginia and are looking for a cleaning lady starting July/August 2016-LET'S TALK.
I understand the special needs of Resident Physicians.
Night shift this week and Day shift the next? No problem.
Forgot to call and tell me this until day of? No problem.
Dishes not done for a week? No problem.
Trail of scrubs from door to bathroom? No problem.
Place looks like it was tossed? No problem.
Fistful of references from other Resident Physicians? No problem.
I LOVE my Resident Doctors. They love me.

Bonus: I will NEVER ask you to look at this (insert weird thing here) or write me scrips for controlled substances.  Not ever.

Email me bek@thatgreenmaid.com Subject: MATCHDAY2016

Year Round Drug Takeback Program Norfolk Virginia

Information Courtesy of: Public Information Officer Daniel Hudson Norfolk Police Department
NORFOLK, VA – The Norfolk Police Department and the Norfolk Sheriff’s Office have partnered to help collect unwanted or expired prescription drugs with a new, permanent Drug-Take-Back Program.
Although the Drug Enforcement Administration’s National Pharmaceutical Take-Back Day is a great one-time opportunity, it only provides a temporary solution to an ongoing need.
In response to this need, Norfolk’s law enforcement developed a year-round program which offers ongoing access and a permanent solution for the safe disposal of unwanted and expired medicines.
Additionally, disposal is provided at no cost and is completely anonymous. The permanent Drug-Take-Back bin is now located inside the Public Safety Building at 811 E. City Hall Avenue and is available Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. to all private citizens. Doctors’ offices, hospitals, veterinary and pharmaceutical reps may not use the bin.
Cleaning out your medicine cabinets can not only save space, it may actually save a life! Medicines in the home are a leading cause of accidental poisoning and rates of prescription drug abuse are alarmingly high – over half of teens abusing medicines get them from a family member or friend, including the home medicine cabinet, and often without their knowledge.
Check out the Drug-Take-Back bin basics and help keep our communities safe:
• Open to all private citizens.
• Accepts all unwanted or expired prescription medicines.
• Both solid and liquid pharmaceuticals are accepted. Liquid containers must be secured and free from spillage/leakage prior to deposit.
• May dispose of medication in its original container, or remove the medication and deposit it directly into the bin.
• Special assistance is available for elderly or disabled citizens.
Items not covered under new program:
o Ammunition
o Chemicals or Flammable Materials
o Illegal drugs (cocaine, heroin, marijuana, methamphetamine, etc.)
o Syringes/Needles
o Inappropriate or Dangerous Substances

Want to use the Drug-Take-Back bin, but still have questions?
Contact the Norfolk Police Department’s Property and Evidence Division at 757-664-4148.
You can also view their video about this program here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOYV_nz7r98

No I Am Not Hiring

At least twice a week, I get this call: Can I speak to your hiring manager? Are you hiring?
Nevermind every page of my website clearly says I am not hiring-ever.
Obviously those words mean call me anyway.
To add insult to the stupid, these calls are usually around noon. Bitch please.
I like to sleep in till 930 on any day that ends in day but NOON? Girl you are not even serious about trying to work.
You don't call ANY business at Noon asking about no damn job. Especially a maid service.
You know where house cleaners are at noon? WORK. That's where.
---and don't even think about putting me down on a job search form. I will tell them I don't know who the hell you are and that my website clearly states I am not hiring. EVER.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Moving House

...well my internet house anyway.  Things might go missing and then re-appear and then go missing again. That's the way it is with moving.

meanwhile~ I *may* be entertaining the thought of new cleaning clients in Norfolk, Va. Potential clients will not have a monster house or multiple children. Smaller condos, apartments or houses. Not trying to be rude, I just don't have the opening for larger or more challenging types of house cleaning at this time.

#matchday2016 #evms #chkd #bonsecour #sentara year 1, 2 or 3 Resident Drs welcome to inquire.

email bek@thatgreenmaid.com

thatgreenmaid.com~pet friendly cleaning lady in Norfolk, Virginia