Sunday, July 31, 2016

Certified Green House Cleaner

Green Seal Certified 'eh? Sounds impressive but wtf does it mean???
It means if I pay someone a fee they will certify my services are indeed green.
Hmm
Interesting.

These someones are not a 'entity' that you or I recognize-you know like the EPA or Good Housekeeping...so um...yeah I should pay you because why exactly?

"Institute of the Not Functioning Website (not their real name) certification works on both the perception of value for your company with your customers, and we strongly encourage the reality that you implement a Green practice with your Green products. Now, perception and reality agree, and your company needs not worry that you only pretend to be a Green janitorial service. To have a true certification, a reliable and third party program needs to set the standard of achievement and validate the accomplishment of those standards. "

Wait what?
I pay you and you give me the certification but I don't HAVE to be green?
I can pretend?
Reliable? I have no idea who you are and neither do my clients.
Yeah-no. Not this girlie.

This other program I have to pay based on the amount of employees I have
certification starts at $190
The Green Bullshit Certification does not sell or endorse products, charge for literature, offer or sell training courses.
Well that's good to know-then what am I paying for???

"Once achieving the Bullshit Green Certification, (real company named redacted) will e-mail the seals for your marketing effort. We suggest you display the seal(s) on your stationery, business cards, bid proposals and web site as anyone who sees it will be impressed. In a few days you will receive a package with your certificate and other marketing materials and the press release will be sent. For maximum image and marketing effort, we suggest you e-mail a copy of our press release to all your clients and prospects."

For real? I don't think so.
I understand people are easily impressed by seals and official looking things.
I'd rather WOW you with my work...but what do I know?
Spam my clients and prospects-because that always gets the business...NOT

I think I'm going to pass on the green house cleaner bullshit certification.
You need proof I'm a green cleaner?
Look in my cleaning bucket.