Saturday, May 26, 2018

Summer Housecleaning Schedule ThatGreenMaid Norfolk Virginia

How is it almost June already?

I have multiple housecleaning clients leaving me this summer for new adventures in far away places. Most of these house cleaning openings have already been filled with fabulous new long term cleaning clients...however...I have a few weekend cleaning service openings coming available in July 2018.

If you are a hot mess of fail seeking a pet friendly maid / life fixer, I am the only person in the 757 to call. Accept no substitutes.
Incoming and current resident Doctors strongly encouraged to inquire. 
#chkd #evms #nmcp #sentara #bonsecours #matchday2018 #residentdr #fellowship

Anyone can come clean of your house but not anyone will:
come on a weekend.
genuinely loves pets.
come let your drunk ass in when you've locked yourself out.
overnight fedex your phone when you're out of town.
pick you up from the airport at are you serious right now o'clock.
move your cleaning last minute because you forgot you're on a nightfloat this week...and not charge you for it.
scoop out that nasty litterbox because you're literally home only to sleep.
handle your laundry because again...literally home to sleep.

Is your life at this level of WTFICAN'TEVEN?

I got you. MamaB knows your life. If you have cash money, I will come fix this fuckery every week.




If you're particular about how you prefer your home cleaned-DON'T CALL ME. I'm not the cleaner for you.

If you need to check me out some more *cough cough internet slueth* before deciding to entrust me with your pets and housekeys-I'm thatgreenmaid on IG, FB, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Google+, Reddit and probably a few lesser known social media platforms.

Email: bek@thatgreenmaid.com
Phone/Text: (757) 955.5274

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Dealing With Website Design Telemarketers

Last week I get a call about my website. Normally I don't answer random calls but I was bored and waiting on laundry to dry.

Not me: Is this the owner?
Me: This is Rebecca. (protip: never say yes, ok, correct or affirmative-it could be a scam trying to get your voice authorization)
Not me: blah blah website blah blah blah package blah blah google (no really I couldn't understand him)
Me: Wait what about my website?
Not me: Oh you have a website?
Me: If you'da done your research before calling me, you'd know this.
Not me: (not missing a beat) Well, we can redesign your website to bring you more customers and...
Me: *cuts him off* I'm not even taking new clients. Picking a new background for my website isn't going to change that.
Not me: You can go to our website and see our designs and pick one to bring you new clients.
Me: So wait, you're calling me on the phone to tell me to go to your website? WHO DOES THAT? Did you not just hear me when I said I'm not taking new clients.
Not me: So you don't want more clients for your business?
Me: Nope. I do not want more clients for my business.
Not me: *click*

I have sympathy for telemarketers. It's a hard hustle. What I don't have is patience for quasi-scam artists trying to take advantage of not internet savvy small business owners.
A new background template for your website isn't going to bring new customers. It's all in the keywords, SEO, relevant up to date content and good use of social media. New background...get out. #searchengineoptimization #longtailkeywords #properuseofhashtags #knowyouraudience

/rant

Monday, February 26, 2018

Why Don't You Just Expand Your Cleaning Service and Hire Employees?

My house cleaning services been mostly booked with a long wait-list for years.

Yesterday I'm pulling up to a cleaning client's house and their neighbor asks me for a business card. As I'm handing it to her, I give her the 'listen, I'm booked solid with a very long wait list and I don't foresee this changing before July 2018'.

and she's so very nice and I reaaaaalllly wanna take her on as a client but I truly do not have a space open. Ya'll I have 3 days off in the entire month of March. 3. MamaB needs time to clean her own filthy ass hovel.

This very nice lady says to me-why don't you just expand your cleaning service and hire employees? It's a question I've been asked a lot in the past few years.

So...here's why I don't hire people.

1. I can coax an employee to show up but I cannot make them care about my client's cleaning needs. At the end of the day, if a client is unhappy with their cleaning it's on me and me alone. My name is all I have. I'm not gonna rely on someone else to make or break my hard-earned good reputation in the name of a dollar.

2. Hiring employees means higher overhead. Quality employees deserve quality wages and I don't mean $10 hour. I'm not getting out of bed for that and I'd never ask anyone to clean for that. Employees mean setting up a different ownership structure, payroll and different insurance and more cleaning supplies...oh and having to actually rent a commercial space for said employees-because running a cleaning service out of your house is a nope.
I've worked for people who have run a cleaning business out of their house and I know firsthand what kind of shit comes with that. nuhuh. It's a hard pass for me.

3. I'd have to tell 75% of my current cleaning clients that certain services are no longer offered because of "liability issues" and "bio-hazards". I legally cannot require an employee to pick up animal waste on the floor or soiled diapers that have been mislaid. I'd have to tell clients their pets have to be crated or behind a door. Laundry service? Yeah there'd be no more of that.

4. People. Just no. I can't. I don't want to. The first time I'm hearing some excuses on a Friday about why they can't/won't gonna leave me hanging with 3 houses to clean Imma have to refrain from saying some shit that will get me sued. I don't wanna have to watch employees and wonder if they are trustworthy or will they break something or say some shit to insult my clients or...yeah just no. I don't like people enough to put up with that level of nope.

I'm happy working 6-7 days a week. I'm happy with petting all the dogs, scooping up cat shit and fixing fuckery.
This type of housecleaning isn't for everyone. I'm not the maid for everyone and that's ok.


But did you catch that part about booked with a waitlist until July 2018? It ain't a joke.
MamaB has no openings for new cleaning clients and no no I'm not hiring cleaners. This is minez-get your own.