Showing posts with label housecleaning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label housecleaning. Show all posts

Saturday

Housecleaning for the Chronically Cluttered Norfolk, Virginia

Accepting New Clients Mid JULY 2021

I have multiple housecleaning clients leaving me for new adventures in far away places. I will have openings in Norfolk, Va for housecleaning starting July 2021. If you have verbal orders or are trying to #matchday2020 here-let's talk. Soon.

If you are a hot mess of fail seeking a pet friendly maid / life fixer, I am the only person in the 757 to call. Accept no substitutes.
Incoming and current resident physicians strongly encouraged to inquire. 
#chkd #evms #nmcp #sentara #bonsecours #matchday2021 #residentdr #fellowship

Anyone can come clean your house but not anyone will:
come on a weekend or after hours.
come let you in when you've locked yourself out.
overnight fed-ex your phone when you're out of town.
pick you up from the airport at are you serious right now o'clock.
move your cleaning last minute because you forgot you're on a nightfloat / postcall this week...and not charge you for it.
scoop out that nasty litter box because you're literally home only to sleep.
handle your laundry because again...literally home to sleep.

Is your life at this level of WTFICAN'TEVEN?

I got you. MamaB knows your life. I will come fix this fuckery every week. Or every other week. If it's this bad, you really need me cleaning your house every week.




Listen-If you're particular about how you prefer your home cleaned-DON'T CALL ME. I'm not the cleaner for you. No really, don't call me. If you've been through multiple maids and no one does it how you like-I don't want you as a cleaning client. DO.NOT.WANT. I literally cannot stress this enough. I cater to super busy professionals who just can't even when it comes to housework type adulting. You will be unhappy. I will be unhappy. No one wants that. There is a housecleaner out there that caters to your particular brand of persnickety---it just isn't me.

If you need to check me out some more *cough cough internet sleuth* before deciding to entrust me with your pets, key and alarm codes-I'm thatgreenmaid on Instagram, FaceBook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Reddit. Trust and believe I am who I am online and off.



Email: bek@thatgreenmaid.com
Phone/Text: (757) 955.5274

Monday

Why Don't You Just Expand Your Cleaning Service and Hire Employees?

My house cleaning services been mostly booked with a long wait-list for years.

Yesterday I'm pulling up to a cleaning client's house and their neighbor asks me for a business card. As I'm handing it to her, I give her the 'listen, I'm booked solid with a very long wait list and it might be a minute'.

and she's so very nice and I reaaaaalllly wanna take her on as a client but I truly do not have a space open.  MamaB needs time to clean her own filthy ass hovel.

This very nice lady says to me-why don't you just expand your cleaning service and hire employees? It's a question I've been asked a lot in the past few years.

So...here's why I don't hire people.

1. I can coax an employee to show up but I cannot make them care about my client's cleaning needs. At the end of the day, if a client is unhappy with their cleaning it's on me and me alone. My name is all I have. I'm not gonna rely on someone else to make or break my hard-earned good reputation in the name of a dollar.

2. Hiring employees means higher overhead. Quality employees deserve quality wages and I don't mean $10 hour. I'm not getting out of bed for that and I'd never ask anyone to clean for that. Employees mean setting up a different ownership structure, payroll and different insurance and more cleaning supplies...oh and having to actually rent a commercial space for said employees-because running a cleaning service out of your house is a nope.
I've worked for people who have run a cleaning business out of their house and I know firsthand what kind of shit comes with that. nuhuh. It's a hard pass for me.

3. I'd have to tell 75% of my current cleaning clients that certain services are no longer offered because of "liability issues" and "bio-hazards". I legally cannot require an employee to pick up animal waste on the floor or soiled diapers that have been mislaid. I'd have to tell clients their pets have to be crated or behind a door. Laundry service? Yeah there'd be no more of that.

4. People. Just no. I can't. I don't want to. The first time I'm hearing some excuses on a Friday about why they can't/won't gonna leave me hanging with 3 houses to clean Imma have to refrain from saying some shit that will get me sued. I don't wanna have to watch employees and wonder if they are trustworthy or will they break something or say some shit to insult my clients or...yeah just no. I don't like people enough to put up with that level of nope.

I'm happy working 6-7 days a week. I'm happy with petting all the dogs, scooping up cat shit and fixing fuckery.
This type of housecleaning isn't for everyone. I'm not the maid for everyone and that's ok.



Saturday

Pet Friendly Green Housecleaning Lady in Norfolk, Virginia

About me:
Professional, dependable ridiculously pet friendly green cleaning lady in Norfolk, Va.
Specializing in green cleaning services of houses, apartments and condos.
Over 20 years experience in residential housecleaning.
Fabulous verifiable residential housekeeping references.

I specialize in disorder, disarray and utter chaos.
If you just can't seem to get your home "ready" for the cleaning lady or other cleaning services have turned you away for being a hot mess of fail-I'm THE maid to call.


Check out my recommendations on LinkedIn




Sunday

Housecleaning Services for Resident Physicians Norfolk, Virginia



I have precious few slots open for some one-time pre-holiday cleaning or dependable monthly cleaning clients in Norfolk and the Wesleyan / Shore Drive side of Virginia Beach.

Let's talk.

Before you get an excite: I do not take on complete cleans of larger homes.
You are better served by a team cleaning service than an independent maid.
Trust me. No I don't have a recommendation.


Dearest Interns, Resident, Attending, Chiefs of Staff and Fellowship Doctors.
Hey. Hi. You need me. My last FIVE peds Interns have or will be Chiefs. Why?
Because driven Doctors are not fucking around with mundane things like laundry, trash, dishes and vacuuming. Come see why I've been called a necessity in Norfolk.
#nightfloat #24hourcall #usmle #medlife #matchday2019 #evms #nmcp #chkd


Me: Ridiculously pet friendly dependable green cleaning lady in Norfolk, Virginia. Excellent Verifiable references.
I don't hire or contract other cleaners. Same person every time.

Cyber-sleuth me on these sites:

LinkedIn
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram

Contact:
Email: bek@thatgreenmaid.com
Phone: 757.955.5274

Pet Friendly Green Cleaning Lady for Habitually Disorganized Professionals in Norfolk, Virginia

Is this you? Are you a hot fucking mess of fail when it comes to keeping your house straight?
Do you just buy new socks and underwear because laundry is hard?
Is cleaning just beyond your time and skill set? Is throwing money at it your #1 problem solving move?
I am THE magic fairy of fail and fuckery in the 757-accept no substitutes.
I can't fix your dating life, your job or your cray family drama---but I can fix this bullshit here.
Throw your dollars at me.
Come home to clean sheets, clean laundry, clean toilets, clean counters, clean microwave, clean floors.
Come home to OMG someone fixed my shit.

Selectively accepting new clients living in squalor and utter fail in Norfolk, Virginia.
Please no hoarding situations or larger homes.


#housecleaning #petfriendly #cleanallthethings #thatgreenmaid #evms #pnmc #sentara #bonsecours #residency #matchday #intern #futuredr

email: bek@thatgreenmaid.com
Facebook: thatgreenmaid
Twitter: thatgreenmaid
Instagram: thatgreenmaid
Pinterest: thatgreenmaid

Monday

Cheap House Cleaners Buyer Beware

I make no secret that I have 0 patience for cheap ass cut rate house cleaners.
I just looked at a few ads on the CL and... It all smells like dollar store pine cleaner and dirty vacuums.
Imma say this with 1000000000% certainty. If someone is cleaning your house for next to nothing-they are not paying a dime in taxes on that income.
Some people shrug and say whatever-I'm getting a deal. It's not whatever. If your cut rate cleaner isn't paying her taxes, isn't legally cleared to work or is committing benefit fraud-that shit falls on you. In Hampton Roads, you can't throw a rock without hitting someone that has a security clearance of some kind courtesy of DoD.
Think some fail involving tax evasion or benefit fraud isn't going to affect your clearance? Trust, you gonna fucked on that deal.
If that doesn't move you, Imma just copy and paste some actual ads (in bold):

MOVE OUT/MOVE IN UNDER $50
Are you fucking for real with this? A 1 bedroom apt make ready cleaning is like 4 hours every day that ends with day. Self cleaning oven is 3 hours...oh wait...
*interior of your refrigerator and stove for an extra charge.
Gurl bye. That is standard move in/out service. Extra charge. Get the entire hell out.

Know what I do for $50? A one bedroom/one occupant/no pets weekly cleaning service. I don't know any reputable cleaner that is gonna get out of bed for a $50 move out clean. 

I'm available 24/7. My rates are negotiable.
RUN. I know some cleaners (myself included) that do 2nd and 3rd shift cleaning but 24/7. Nuhuh. And will let you decide their worth? It's all red flags. Don't listen to me.

If Your not satisfied with my services your gaurenteed free service ..
I'm not satisfied with this sentence. It might need to go to rehab.

CLEANING SPECIAL!!! Basic one-time cleaning for $50 if you have a 2 bedroom! NO ESTIMATE, THIS IS THE PRICE!  CALL (5fiven0pe who still does that)  First come first serve! Only but so many slots, so get yours today!

(Redacted) are my district areas. If you need cleaning done in (also redacted)? There will be a $10 traveling charge. 

Also, if you can't supply your own vacuum, mop, broom, and dustpan, that will be an extra $5. I will provide everything else!
Girl...


There is a world of difference between me using your vacuum/mop/broom/dustpan because either you prefer/convenience/pets and charging me you extra for using something I should already supply.

A dollar says they all use generic spray duster on your good wood furniture.





Saturday

Quality Cleaning Over Quantity

They say cheap things attract many buyers-which is the number one reason my cleaning services are not cheap.
I'm all about a good deal but my bargain basement mentality is limited to bargain basement type places.
I don't do discounts or groupon or run specials. I don't want that business---because 9 times out of 10 it isn't business.
It's one person that isn't coming back or referring me to others. It is me working for less than I'm worth for someone who flat out doesn't care and won't hesitate to complain over something petty like not wiping a light switch.*dead serious*
Does that make me uppity?


This maid is not going to offer up some $99 special to stand in a house in a sketchass neighborhood and listen to a litany of random complaints about nothing and everything about some other maid service from a person trying to get me to stay 10 hours and play Cinderella. No thanks. Been there and done that. It sucked in my 20s. I'm sure it still sucks in my 40s. /runonsetence

I am blessed with a full client load of utterly fabulous and amazing people. Wait-AMAZING people. No...hold on...

UTTERLY FABULOUS AMAZING PEOPLE

I'm only interested in cleaning for equally utterly fabulous amazing people seeking pet friendly green housecleaning in Norfolk, Va. #seewhatididthere


If you want the cheapest cleaning service out there-you can find it all day long in the 757. There is no shortage of here today gone tomorrow housecleaners.
I'm sure you can talk them straight down to $75 to do a move out clean your entire house.
I bet they can even come clean your home tomorrow.

If you want someone that offers up a quality house cleaning-you might have to search a little bit and hope they have an opening in the near-ish future for you.

'The quality is remembered long after the price is forgotten.' ~Sir Henry Royce

Thursday

Hi I'm From Yelp Calling About Your Home Cleaning Norfolk Listing

*post from original blog spring 2015-I'd go look to see if the # has changed but some girl from Yelp is already up my ass with the calls and emails*

I get at least  3 of these calls a month from people supposedly from Yelp wanting to 'help' me with my listing.
Normally I say upfront  Listen I'm booked with a 3 month wait list so. . . and they thank me for my time and hang up.
Except tonight. Maybe it's Mercury in Retrograde or maybe dude was super dumb because he was ready to go toe to toe with me on why I NEED to pay them to something something boost my Yelp listing.
Dude guy trying to tell me I'm on page 15. Bitch no. I'm #24. Not page 24. Number 24.
Then he wants to read me the first 5 people in the Home Cleaning category for Norfolk on Yelp. Since he read them to me I know he searched Housecleaning.
#1-eco-friendly pet friendly team house cleaning. innovative cleaning options. get your deal on.
#2-pressure washing service. not even the right category.
#3-franchise home cleaning service with a bad review.
#4-carpet cleaning service. again wrong category.
#5-already out of business. domain is available. maybe i should buy it. moving on
#6-aaand another carpet cleaning service.
#7-is a house cleaning/remodel/we buy houses/ yeah um ok. i call miscategorized.
#8-yet another carpet cleaner
#9-oh look an actual local same cleaner every time home cleaning service in Norfolk.
#10-senior concierge and errand service.
So basically those 4200 people a month  searching for cleaning services like mine (his words) called #1, maaaaaaybe called #9 or more likely said FUCK THIS after page 1 and typed some specific search terms into yelp.
IF they typed in Green Housecleaning-I'm #15.
IF they are my target clientele, they typed in (keywords I'm not sharing here) where I'm what number? NUMBER ONE.  
Dude from Yelp wasn't trying to hear was me saying to him point blank "the most important thing in business is KNOWING who your target clients are and going after them."
Niche SEO Bitches. I knows it. I uses it.
Your 4200 searches ain't shit to start with-but trust my maybe 10 targeted specific searches a month are people looking for me, myself and I.
This is why I stay booked with great long term cleaning clients.
This is also why I won't pay dude from Yelp a dime to help me do fuck all in the general category of Home Cleaning.
Those are not my clients.

*if you're reading this, you probably are my client-welcome-lemmie fix your life*

Selectively Accepting New Clients

House Cleaning For Real Life Situations -hot mess express -busy professionals -adulting fails -cleaning averse -not a hoarder -migh...